Have you ever wondered what it's like when you can gain access to affordable housing? It's great, but unfortunately this housing is available to anyone who applies and then gets to the top of the list. We have had a new government for a while now and they have decided to change the criteria for new tenants in social housing, they have added a 'bedroom tax' to encourage social housing out of the stagnant state it was in, but this hasn't deterred the fraudulent benefit claimants who obviously are defrauding the system if they can afford their rent now. I obtained a copy of the top secret, new criteria, it's pretty strict on who will get housing now, no scum that's for sure. And sadly, all people born and bred in Chorley will not be able to gain access now, seeing as ugly, stupid and abusive are part of the criteria that is banned. It seems that your typical Chorley citizen is now subjected to ethnic cleansing for the good of mankind. NWO.

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People who should not be given social housing. Latest NWO criteria.

• Inconsiderate pricks.
• Door slammers (see item 1).
• Pissheads (see item 1).
• Immature, stroppy pricks (see all of the above)..
• People who hoard pets.
• People who abuse their hoard of pets.
• People who abuse their kids.
• People who abuse their partners.
• People who abuse their neighbours.
• People who spend hours stamping around their house.
• People too lazy to leave their house.
• People too lazy to leave the house but not too lazy to spend all day door slamming and stamping around their house.
• Ugly people, breeding should not be encouraged.
• Stupid people, breeding should not be encouraged.
• People who need two bins to recycle their alcohol cans and bottles.
• People who think they are better than everyone else, despite being thick, ugly and no manners.
• People who can't be bothered to tidy up their garden.
• People who claim JSA and pretend they are single but really live with their partner (who is also on JSA).
• People who claim benefits for their kids who aren't living with them.
• People in general.
• Anyoner who applies, we have already sold all the housing.
• RIP social schemes.
• Locate your nearest food bank.
• hahahahahahahahahahahaha.......

Top secret Eugenics programme for the people of Chorley.

• Open up as many unhealthy food outlets as possible.
• Open up poundshops that only sell crap food items.
• Do not let the citizens have sun, clouds (courtesy of the HAARP programme) must always be above the town.
• Don't enforce laws here, neighbour nuisance causes stress which in turn pisses people off, let them kill each other over it.
• Do not introduce bylaws to stop cats shitting everywhere.
• Do ignore rubbish everywhere to encourage pests.
• Make sure there are no jobs so that people are reliant on welfare.
• Sanction said welfare, hahahahahaha....
• Make sure town centre smells of shite most days, with an occassional day off to fool the people into thinking it's safe to venture into town.
• Make all the community centres boring, and shove a few abusive people in them too, to make it more unpleasant.
• Don't fix the pavements or roads, that will kill a few pensioners off when they fall.
• People who talk really loud and sound thick will be located by volumetric meters and shot.
• If we can smell dog piss when your front door is open we will burn your house to the ground.
• People wearing too much make-up, you just look stupid now (men included).
• All 'slow' parents will be rounded off to concentration camps and their kids will be experimented on.
• Parents who cba to get rid of their childs nits, we will set fire to your hair to rid you of them.
• No more SS for Chorley citizens, if you neglect your kids then your whole family will be rounded up and shot, dig your own graves first.
• No more NHS for you, already you're taking the piss having the hard working people pay for your homes and lifestyle, so think twice before you rot your kidneys with alcohol/illegal drugs.
• Meh, might as well have no NHS for anyone.
• No education, you are living in social housing and can't afford a mortgage so it's obvious education doesn't work.
• Do you fart? You are contributing to the depletion of the ozone, better for the planet if you don't exist.
• Don't know what day to put your bin out or what bin to put out? Die imbecile.
• Pet abusers will be fed to lions for the amusement.
• Child abusers will be fed to rapists for the amusement.

Genetic experiments on disfunctional citizens.

• Dear citizens of Chorley,
• You do not know it yet, but you have been part of an experiment and your genes have been tampered with.
• It has made you more aggressive, and this in turn has made you less intelligent.
• You have been inbred, more so than the royal family because we wanted to see if the human race could take that kind of breeding.
• Unfortunately the experiment has proved that inbreeding has caused your people severe problems.
• We are discontinuing the experiment, as of now, and releasing you into the wild, like the animals you are.
• No-one gives a fuck about you, if you haven't noticed your town is shit.
• Your kids are street rats.
• You are disfunctional.
• Serve no purpose.
• End of transmission.